I’ve always felt a sense of responsibility to protect the environment and make a difference in people's lives. It’s what drew me to study environmental science and to work in the field of sustainability over the past 20 years, including, most recently, at Apple.
But as is the experience for many parents, this responsibility intensified upon having a child. I wanted to protect my daughter from harm, and not to implicate her in anything that would cause harm, including our society's overconsumption.
I became especially sensitive to what I was buying for her, asking what it was made of, how it was made, and whether anyone or anything was harmed in making it. I sought out clothes that were safe, durable and made of natural materials. They were more expensive, so I bought just enough. I learned to mend. I was particularly drawn to the unique properties of wool — warm in the winter and cool in the summer; renewable; durable; and somehow... self-cleaning. I fell in love with these clothes and what they represented: slowing down and making intentional choices. I opened Bigelow Lane to share these clothes with all of you.
But that’s not the whole story. Deciding to start my own business was entrenched in my relationship with work. I loved working on sustainability at Apple: it was energizing to be surrounded by such passionate and intelligent people, driven by a strong belief in doing the right thing. But since the birth of my daughter in 2020, I struggled with finding a work life balance in my job — as do many mothers. I worked so hard during the day that I was depleted each night and weekend. I would feel a surge of panic looking at an 8-hour block of meetings, with my child home sick. I was constantly stressed and worn out, increasingly irritable with my lovely colleagues, and unable to withstand the normal ups and downs of the job. I needed a change, I needed to slow down, and I needed to create a new way of working.
Starting my own business was my way of doing just that: working on my own terms. And those terms would be to slow down. So much of the tensions of motherhood, I have found, is around having time — time with my daughter, time for myself, time with my partner and friends. And I thought having more time for myself would help me better cope with those early years of being a mother. But, as is news to nobody, having a business is a ton of work. More work perhaps, than even a demanding job like the one I had at Apple. And yet, I still feel a sense of freedom and quiet. I work a lot, but I am more intentional about how I spend my time. I find it’s actually having the flexibility and control that has improved my wellbeing — not having more time in and of itself. Now, I am also abundantly aware that it’s up to me to continue to give myself flexibility, to not work myself into the ground, the same way I did at Apple. But I feel inspired and empowered by this change that I made, and hopeful the business will succeed enough that I can support myself with it.
I’ve also come to realize that what drew me to these wonderful clothes is the same thing that has drawn me to start a business: a desire to slow down, and to be intentional about my time and my choices. I invite you to shop from Bigelow Lane. It’s a labor of love, and a quiet refuge that I hope you will enjoy as much as I do.
With love,
Emmanuelle
